At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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