Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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