please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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