Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
