yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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