found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
