Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i came on her dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
