I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
