The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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