what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
