nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
