This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
