I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Come share oat with me in your robe
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
