Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize