i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
