it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
