mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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