matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
