I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
