Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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