dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
