Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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