do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
