A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that's an acceptable place to lick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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