I murdered the dance floor call the cops
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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