She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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