hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
