i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
