You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize