Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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