you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
soo... how was my night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
