She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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