my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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