East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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