I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
