He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
