i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
