Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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