We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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