omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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