are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
