is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
