I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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