Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
