omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
