I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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