This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
