These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
