I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
