I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
