my sisters under your porch take her home
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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