pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
