i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
