I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
