let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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