She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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