Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
