yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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