he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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