i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
