we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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