My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My penis needs a shock collar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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