Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
