you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you never un-have a 4some
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize