I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
