i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dear god my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
