oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize