I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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