the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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