With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
