I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
