Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
