Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
