This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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