is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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