it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
