Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Alive.
So much puke
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
