this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
