Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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