He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
