I'm gonna have a badass scar
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
