Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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