Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She bit a glass in half.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
foreskin is a definite game changer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
