i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
