Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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