So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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