Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
