I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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