If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize