Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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