how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
