I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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