dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
farters have to be the big spoon...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
