Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
