So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
