Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
