Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
