Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
