GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
