I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
