if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
