can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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